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You get turned around and walk in the wrong direction. Once the FOG is the norm, leaving the FOG becomes difficult because of the self-doubt and second guessing an abuser’s FOG induces.
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Most Nice Guys and Gals have been groomed to believe boundaries are mean and abusive and that taking care of themselves is selfish. For the FOG to be especially effective, many abusers instinctively know to isolate their targets from friends and family members who will help them to reality test and come out of the FOG.
Once you get out of the FOG for a length of time, your head will start to clear and you will, hopefully, see things more objectively, which is precisely what a predatory abuser does not want to happen.
Their idea of love seems to be about being able to control their so-called loved ones and how much abuse and crap you will tolerate from them.
Naturally, if you’re unwilling to tolerate their abuse and crap, then you don’t really love them.
They just don’t understand why their loved ones tolerate the abuse and stay in the relationship.
FOG is the intangible glue that keeps many men and women stuck in abusive relationships.
For anyone who’s ever walked or driven in atmospheric fog, you know that being in a fog can play perceptual tricks on you.
In an atmospheric fog, it’s difficult to see what’s right in front of you. A fog can feel cool and refreshing at first, like when your hiking in the mountains, but then becomes thick and muggy and uncomfortable and suffocating. After enough time, the FOG may start to feel normal and being out of the FOG may feel strange and unsettling.
How dare you put your own well-being ahead of their wants and needs no matter how unreasonable and abusive? Whether it’s a Psycho Hoover, a Deluxe Hoover, a FOG Hoover or a Happy Ending Hoover, it’s just the Crazy’s way of saying, “” It’s not about her undying “love” for you.
Narcissists, borderlines, histrionics and sociopaths aren’t capable of real love because they will never care about anyone else more than they care for themselves — and they don’t even really seem to care for themselves very much.
It will take 6 to 8 weeks for the FOG to lift (give or take); maybe longer, depending upon the length of the relationship and the severity of the trauma you suffered. Shrink4Men Coaching, Counseling and Consultation Services: Dr Tara J.