If proper boundaries are not established, increasing intimacy can have some undesirable results – such as feelings of abuse or betrayal following a break-up, loss of appropriate personal boundaries without a commensurate commitment, and beginning to become one before the couple actually belongs to one another.

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After we had messed up, I told him that we needed to set boundaries. In the book of Solomon, Solomon’s wife describes their relationship, “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me! It is never too late to have a talk about boundaries or change your boundaries. If you are walking with God, living by the power of the Holy Spirit, and working through all the questions above, I believe you will know if you and your boyfriend can hug and cuddle and to what extent.

We could have avoided this confusion if we would have set boundaries day one. In high school, I could have made out with a stranger and not felt guilty. I know he loved God, but I don’t think his desire to pursue purity was as big as my desire. I tried to give him opportunities to set boundaries. I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” (Solomon 2:6-7). If the Holy Spirit is convicting you about something, you have to listen. Remember, pleasing God is way more important that pleasing your flesh.

When you find a guy who can deny his sexual desires while you are dating, you can trust him long term in a marriage relationship that he won’t cheat on you.

When sex enters a relationship confusion and expectations are changed – regret, shame, and self blame enter the relationship.

Those who ask this question are usually looking for guidelines regarding physical boundaries in dating.

However, intimacy is a much broader issue than physicality.

You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. If you are not married yet, sex will hurt your relationship and your discernment process for marriage.

Premarital sex will hurt the marriage, not help it.

If he doesn’t bring up important topics now, will he in marriage?